I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
