I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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