When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
