You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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