She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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