You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
