Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
