I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
