my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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