Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
