I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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