And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
