He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
