when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
