we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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