Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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