I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
