Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
