remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
