Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
