I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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