Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
