everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
