this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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