Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
