'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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