i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
