So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
