You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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