He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
