Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
