Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
