the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
