Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
