So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
