Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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