so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
