I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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