I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
