But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
