She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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