I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
