Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
