The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
