Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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