Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
