It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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