the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
