i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
