I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
