THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
