dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
